what i'm learning in NICU

Since October 16 until the 31st, I'm rotating at the NICU or the neonatal intensive care unit. Here we get to take care of the neonates, or the newborns, right after they leave their mommy's tummies. I used to hate this department because unlike other girls i know, i have never been fond of babies. I don't go coochy-coochy-gaga over them. I don't even know how to hold them. I thought (and i still do, but with more humor and less loathing) that newborns are like little worms... all they do is squirm and squirt and scream... hahaha. Now, it's been 10 days since i've been exposed to these little creatures and i'm starting to think that they might not be so bad after all. :)

Before Medicine, i have never held a newborn in my arms. Call it ignorance, fear or loathing or just plain lack of exposure to babies, but i have never willingly, voluntarily held a newborn in my arms just for the sake of holding. A few days ago, i picked up one of my patients because she was crying... I picked her up and sang to her... And then she quieted down... and slept in my arms. And if i was anywhere other than the NICU at that time, I would have burst into tears. That scene has been repeated several times. And each experience leaves me reeling with new feelings that i have yet to make sense of. I guess whatever instincts are in me are being brought to the fore these days.

One thing i know: these babies have wormed their way into my heart. Though i doubt that I'd be leaning towards Pediatrics when the time comes for me to choose. At least i don't fear or loathe the babies now like i used to.

God bless the children. They remind me of how i should be towards my Father in heaven. Dependent, trusting, easily comforted, content just to be held close. Unquestioning, non-judgmental.

God bless the mothers. And God be with those who try to end the lives of the children growing inside them. God have mercy on those who have succeeded in doing so. God bless those who chose not to.