one long blog

I went on duty again yesterday, March 1, the last one for me this semester. Like the first time, 6pm – 6am ang duty namin. Unlike last time, it wasn’t boring. We were able to observe 4 NSVDs: 3 were live births, 1 was FDU. I’ll explain those terms later.

Our first delivery happened a little after 7 pm. The would-be mother was very loudly complaining as she writhed upon the bed and was telling everyone that she felt that her baby was about to come out na. The doctors assured her that her baby wasn’t going to come out anytime soon since she was only 6cm dilated. I held her hand when she felt the contractions and she squeezed them like a vise. All I could do was murmur to her softly that she was going to make it and teach her to blow when the contractions started. When she was finally fully dilated, she was brought to the Delivery Room and mounted. She didn’t have much trouble as her baby just seemed to pop out of her (NSVD: normal spontaneous vaginal delivery). It happened really fast considering that she’s a primipara (first time manganak). She had a beautiful baby girl as her firstborn for all her efforts.

Our second delivery was another DDR patient. Not as loud and not as fussy. She was already 8cm dilated when she was brought to the Labor Room. She stayed there for only a handful of minutes and was mounted in the DR in no time. Like the first woman who delivered, hers didn’t take long either. She had a very cute baby boy naman as her firstborn.

Our third was by a gravidocardiac patient (she had a heart disease) to a beautiful baby girl she named Chelsea. She had been at the hospital since 7am daw. She was given epidural anesthesia just before she was brought to the Delivery Room. Her baby was supposed to be born by forceps delivery kaya lang, malakas ang loob ni mommy and kinaya nya umire. So hindi na tinuloy yung forceps delivery and lumabas na agad si Chelsea.

All three were suffering considerably as they experienced contractions. Labor pains aren’t called labor pains for nothing. All felt compensated for their efforts when they first set eyes on their babies. You could see the joy on their faces when they finally saw their child, bunga ng siyam na buwan ng paghihirap. Grabe yung change sa itsura ng mga mommy pagkatapos nilang umire at alam nilang lumabas na yung baby nila. They suddenly get this satisfied yet tired look on their faces but you know that they are extremely happy. Hindi maipinta ang itsura nila nung pinasok sila sa DR pero upon leaving, they could even smile and wave at us. Nakakatuwa. I generally don’t like babies pero being there in the Delivery Room and witnessing a life brought into the world lightens my heart. I’ve never seen anything so beautiful as those babies and the look on their mother’s faces after delivering them.

Nakakalungkot lang dahil hindi lahat naging masaya nung gabing iyon. While Chelsea’s mom was being repaired (she had an episiotomy), another woman was brought in. She was only 28 weeks pregnant, and her baby was dead inside her (FDU: fetal death in utero.) As she was being mounted, we could see something protruding from her and we realized that it was the head of her baby. The doctor delivered the fetus and performed completion curettage on the mother. It was a boy.

Our fourth patient didn’t become a mother. And all of us, siya, kami, the attendings, the nurses, the JIs, were affected. One of my classmates cried. The woman hardly uttered a sound the entire time. I never once saw her lift her head or even struggle. She just lay there with an air of deep sadness about her and her eyes held no life, no joy. It was heartbreaking. But what breaks my heart even more is that she was only 16.

All of us left the room with a heavy heart after that.

*****

All of the women who gave birth yesterday were younger than I. Another one in the labor room, who was being observed for spotting at 31 weeks of pregnancy, was only 18. One was going to be a single mom; she was 23. She didn’t tell the father that she was going to have a baby. In her words, ‘e gago naman siya e’.

I couldn’t imagine myself in their situation. I can’t even take care of myself properly at this age yet they are already giving birth! I don’t envy them. I don’t know if I should feel sad for them. They didn’t seem to be sad about their situation. All of them except the 16-year old looked so sure of themselves and prepared to be a mother.

I can’t imagine myself a mother at this age, let alone during my late teens! I have never even had a boyfriend and am not even considering having one at the moment!

I think of these girls and I wonder. I do not know their stories. I wish I did. But I didn’t have the chance or the courage to ask. After all, it was the first time I’ve ever seen them and probably the last time as well. What brought them to this? Did they want this for their lives? Did they plan to be mothers at this age? How do they feel? Did they wish they could go back and take the other path that didn’t lead to where they were now? If things were different, would I be like them now? What if I was in their shoes, how would I feel? What would I do?

I think of these things and my mind is in turmoil and I see a picture of my inaanak on the wall beside my bed. She is very beautiful and seeing her picture smiling at me never fails to make me smile back. She is precious to me and so is her mother. I love them both. And on the heels of that thought come the answers to my questions. And for now, I am satisfied with them.